I’ve never killed a man but I’ve killed myself
a bittersweet suicide too sweet to subside
so I chose to abide in death
as I exhale my final breath
I see my self looking back at myself
Like well what do you expect
to be another dead kid next door
another percentage that people so much seem to ignore
another tick mark marking my meaning and determining my being
and what my life was for
at my funeral I hear the words of halfhearted comfort towards my mother,
Oh it was God’s will,
this happend for reason,
you’ll get through this tough season
but they dont know how it feels as if your own child has commited treason
oh, it’s Gods will that I was fed up with my mistakes so I ended my life cause I didn’t like the taste?
oh this season is tough well your season may be a few months but hers will be till her knees are weak and her heart refuses to beat
Dont tell me that what I did was supposed to happen cause I thought I could control my destiny
I sit idly by watching my depression grow, festerting
as my lack of love and faith dwindles down to nothing
I scream out for help but nobody listens
my love for self hatred was far stronger than any pill or quack behind a desk could do
I need a God. not a fat little statue you put on your dash
or the enlightenment you seek behind that fog of that hash
but a true. living. breathing God.
one that loves me no matter how many times I screw up
one that not only created me but the entire freaking universe
A God who's passion for me can save me from all my inequities
now that I think about it.
I need a God that went through way worse than me.
I need a God that literally defeated hell and came back with the devils head on a stake
I need a God that will take on my mistakes
I need a God that wont hang my noose up
or pull the trigger
but breaks the rope away from the beams
and rips the gun out of my hands and claims to be Elohim
the one God
singular yet Three in One
the Trinity is the only thing who can save me
the only being who wont enslave me

WHERE IS THAT GOD

WHERE IS THAT GOD

WHERE IS THAT GOD

He's right here